I used to be VERY competitive,
especially when it comes to academic results.
I would always be the one who leads the team,
because I don't want anybody to mess it up for me.
I get pissed and frustrated very easily when things don't go my way or when people don't deliver what I required.
I'm always the one who gathers everybody's parts of the project and combine them together.
I don't like different styles of presentation slides clashing into one session, so I always took the responsibility to design and create the presentation slides as a whole,
All I asked from my team mates,
was to provide me with the essential information in point forms so I can arrange them into slides.
I enjoyed presentations.
Our law lecturer actually praised me and said that I 'shined' and stood out during one of my group presentations, which made me very overwhelmed, because she's one of the strictest lecturers.
I would score 20 out of 20 for my assignment whilst my classmate only scored 15, even when he did his assignment while referring to mine.
In another assignment, my small group scored full marks, while more than half of the class got 0 for it. I don't mean to brag but I did most of the arrangements for the report.
Well my team mates got mad eventually,
we had a big fight, with them saying mean things about whatever is going on between us.
It was the second last semester for our degree program,
I started working part time every weekend to pay off some bills.
With that, I don't have any rest days for the entire term.
I had classes Monday to Friday, and then my part time job from 12pm-8pm every Saturday and Sunday.
I was so tired and as a result, my patience and temper went from bad to worse.
There's a certain project that requires quite an extensive amount of information, and I've given each of my team mates a list of topics to research on.
My words were simple:
If you're unable to look for any information on some of the topics, just replace them with other similar ones.
I don't precisely remember what happened, but I know I rejected a lot of their contributions as they're very out of topic.
So it went down to a point where we all gave up and had a cold war, and it's so serious that the whole class actually knew about it.
There were 5 of us in the group,
the 3 girls went their way,
and my boyfriend (now ex-bf) and I went our way.
My boyfriend actually tried to talk to them for me,
but they threw back some words that hurt me a lot,
especially when some of those words came from my bestie.
At the end, we came through it,
I don't remember how, when or why,
but we kinda patched up.
I guess it's from that point onward that I gave up on being the 'perfectionist'.
I stopped being aggressive when it comes to group projects,
I laid back when we discuss about presentations,
I don't give much suggestions,
I just do what they asked me to do.
I don't try to lead, nor did I try to teach.
I continued being 'meh' until...now
Well I put in a lot of effort during my first job in Singapore,
and then the all famous back stabbing etc work politics happened.
and I just find myself giving up once and for all.
With my current job in Macau,
I did my best to not screw up.
It's like...I will do what I need to do, and maybe some other extra stuff, but I'm not striving for any promotions or rewards,
in other words, you could say that I don't have a career motivation.
I don't look forward to be a senior or supervisor,
cause the one thing that I don't enjoy, is to make decisions.
Okay I'm losing my focal point,
alright how do I put this?
I'm sick of it.
I'm sick and tired of the feeling where you put your best performance on the field, but you get nothing in return,
or even worse, you get back stabbed and all your effort went into someone else's pocket.
and then when you're about to leave the job, your directors or regional directors came to visit you and told you that they knew everything you did for the company, and to not think that everything you did was a waste of time and you know what?
It's over.
I'm done being expectant.
When your superiors said that it's YOUR JOB to get noticed, it's YOUR JOB to get the boss to recognize your efforts...?
No,
it's their job to recognize the talents in their department,
cause we're not the ones who's gonna lose big time when we leave the company, it's their loss.
hey,
no expectations, no disappointments eh?
peace.
especially when it comes to academic results.
I would always be the one who leads the team,
because I don't want anybody to mess it up for me.
I get pissed and frustrated very easily when things don't go my way or when people don't deliver what I required.
I'm always the one who gathers everybody's parts of the project and combine them together.
I don't like different styles of presentation slides clashing into one session, so I always took the responsibility to design and create the presentation slides as a whole,
All I asked from my team mates,
was to provide me with the essential information in point forms so I can arrange them into slides.
I enjoyed presentations.
Our law lecturer actually praised me and said that I 'shined' and stood out during one of my group presentations, which made me very overwhelmed, because she's one of the strictest lecturers.
I would score 20 out of 20 for my assignment whilst my classmate only scored 15, even when he did his assignment while referring to mine.
In another assignment, my small group scored full marks, while more than half of the class got 0 for it. I don't mean to brag but I did most of the arrangements for the report.
Well my team mates got mad eventually,
we had a big fight, with them saying mean things about whatever is going on between us.
It was the second last semester for our degree program,
I started working part time every weekend to pay off some bills.
With that, I don't have any rest days for the entire term.
I had classes Monday to Friday, and then my part time job from 12pm-8pm every Saturday and Sunday.
I was so tired and as a result, my patience and temper went from bad to worse.
There's a certain project that requires quite an extensive amount of information, and I've given each of my team mates a list of topics to research on.
My words were simple:
If you're unable to look for any information on some of the topics, just replace them with other similar ones.
I don't precisely remember what happened, but I know I rejected a lot of their contributions as they're very out of topic.
So it went down to a point where we all gave up and had a cold war, and it's so serious that the whole class actually knew about it.
There were 5 of us in the group,
the 3 girls went their way,
and my boyfriend (now ex-bf) and I went our way.
My boyfriend actually tried to talk to them for me,
but they threw back some words that hurt me a lot,
especially when some of those words came from my bestie.
At the end, we came through it,
I don't remember how, when or why,
but we kinda patched up.
I guess it's from that point onward that I gave up on being the 'perfectionist'.
I stopped being aggressive when it comes to group projects,
I laid back when we discuss about presentations,
I don't give much suggestions,
I just do what they asked me to do.
I don't try to lead, nor did I try to teach.
I continued being 'meh' until...now
Well I put in a lot of effort during my first job in Singapore,
and then the all famous back stabbing etc work politics happened.
and I just find myself giving up once and for all.
With my current job in Macau,
I did my best to not screw up.
It's like...I will do what I need to do, and maybe some other extra stuff, but I'm not striving for any promotions or rewards,
in other words, you could say that I don't have a career motivation.
I don't look forward to be a senior or supervisor,
cause the one thing that I don't enjoy, is to make decisions.
Okay I'm losing my focal point,
alright how do I put this?
I'm sick of it.
I'm sick and tired of the feeling where you put your best performance on the field, but you get nothing in return,
or even worse, you get back stabbed and all your effort went into someone else's pocket.
and then when you're about to leave the job, your directors or regional directors came to visit you and told you that they knew everything you did for the company, and to not think that everything you did was a waste of time and you know what?
It's over.
I'm done being expectant.
When your superiors said that it's YOUR JOB to get noticed, it's YOUR JOB to get the boss to recognize your efforts...?
No,
it's their job to recognize the talents in their department,
cause we're not the ones who's gonna lose big time when we leave the company, it's their loss.
hey,
no expectations, no disappointments eh?
peace.
psst!
Moana is an awesome movie
go watch it!
Me myself will go watch it again now!
kyah!
Moana is an awesome movie
go watch it!
Me myself will go watch it again now!
kyah!